Life update. What else?!

Readers... Friends, Life is good. Not that my current situation is really any better than its been the last 5 months (sick. has it really been that long since I graduated?!) Its just that I look at my life differently now. And have had a serious attitude adjustment.

Things I've realized over the last few months that have made me an all around happier person:

1) God loves me always. And he is a great BFF to have when you are all alone in Topeka :)

2) I have been waiting months for God to show me his plan for my future. But then I had this epiphany. I've been treating my current situation as just a "transition phase", one that I only see as temporary and therefore haven't focused on anything other than what my life could be/will be like in the future. But umm. HELLO! NOW is time too. NOW is just as important to God as is three months from now. And why should I ever expect God to show me his will for my future if I'm not willing to seek/accept his will for me NOW. Such a simple concept yet somehow I've missed it all these months.

3) I love music. Plain and simple. I love it all. And will love it until the day I die. Is it creepy that I think about what songs I want to play at my funeral?...

4) I love Topeka and I don't care who knows it. Yea.. its a little trashy sometimes. But that's kind of what I love about it. The only thing that's missing is friends... and a job. Hence, I have to move.

5) The Chiefs are 4-2!

Well, its after 11 which means I am up past my bedtime soooo Guten Nacht!

On the up and up

Ok. I realized that I needed to update my so that you all would have something to look at other than my depressing blog post down below.

Good news: Things have improved a lot for me since I wrote that!! All of you friends/readers came through like CHAMPS and sent me tons of love and support and it was perfect and just what I needed. And reminded me that I am not alone in Topeka with my cat. So thank you for that.

Oh! and my friend started a bible study that I joined and it has some other girls in that just graduated from K-State and had to move back home topeka and don't have friends anymore either... so now we are all friends! Plus our bible study rocks. When it is a group of new people ya never know if its going to mesh or not but we totally rocked it from the beginning. We all get along great and are really challenging each other in our bible study. It is awesome.

Speaking of challenging, I have to give an Ichthus shoutout. Our first night of bible study I literally mentioned Ichthus on four different occasions. It was like no matter what we were talking about, I had some anecdote to say about it based off something that John talked about during Ichthus. And most of the time people were impressed. It made me feel proud of Ichthus/John/made me realize just how much I did learn in my time there.

Well, I really don't want to just ramble so I'll end it here. Hopefully this was a little more encouraging to read.

Love you all!

Let's get real

Friends. Its time for me to be honest… and real. So often I ignore my own feelings… like what I’m truly feeling deep down and just focus on others. Partly because I have the mentality that whatever I’m going through is unimportant and I don’t want people taking pity on me when its no big deal. I like to handle things on my own. But this weekend I came to the realization that I am not always capable of giving myself what I need. Now don’t get me wrong; I look to God daily for support but never realized that he might be trying to use others as a way to provide me support.

So here is the situation: This whole being unable to land a job… living at home.. in Topeka with literally TWO friends… while working a job that kills my soul thing is starting to take its toll on me. The other day I got a rejection email from a job I had interviewed for and I started crying in my cube at kdot… what. the. heck?! That is NOT me. I am not that girl that cries. publicly. But its all just start to bring me down. I feel isolated in Topeka. And I’m realizing that I’m missing my support team. Its okay to admit that you’re down and out and that you need a little lovin’ from your friends. What’s weird though is that its not sadness I’ve been feeling. Its anger. I am mad… daily. For no specific reason. I’m just contstantly carrying around this pissed off feeling and I HATE IT. Its not me. And I’m not used to it. But don’t get too worried for me, I do still have hope. And I do everything in my power not to let these feelings totally bring me down. I still genuinely smile lots, laugh lots and do not hate my life J

I have just come to learn that it is okay to ask for help sometimes. Or more specifically in this case, ask for support. So friends, that is where you come in. It pains me to ask things of you (even though I know you are all more than willing to support me) but if you could just keep me in your thoughts and prayers and send a little lovin’ my way then that would be much appreciated. It is good to be reminded that I have people out there that are here for me when I’m not feeling so hot and I promise to start being more honest with you all in return. I miss you all lots and can’t wait till I get to see you each of you again!

Routine = Love/hate relationship

My life in Topeka is a life of routine. My morning, afternoon and evening routines are all basically exactly the same everyday. There are things about routine that I love - I am more productive and it forces me to enjoy each day for what it is because tomorrow is going to be exactly the same so I might as well learn to love it. But at the same time after awhile that routine starts to drive me INSANE and I rebel in any little way that I can.

For example, the other day I drove through town to get to work instead of taking the highway. Yes, it took longer to get to work but it was worth it to be able to turn onto different streets and pass different buildings. This may not seem exciting at all but it is amazing how refreshing it was to change up that little routine in my life. OR I rebel against routine that people try and place on me. For example: my boss encourages everyone to wear yellow on Mondays to make Mondays a happier day. I did this for a few weeks until I realized that I hated the routine of it so one Monday I wore black.... mwahaha!

However, one routine in my life that I love and have no desire to change up anytime soon is my evening walk. Lennie (my dog) and I embark on a walk through the neighborhood every night around 8. I put on some good tunes and stroll through the streets bobbing my head and smiling at the neighbors. I see the same neighbors every night on my walk and I love it. There are the two elderly couples that sit in lawn chairs on their driveway and talk all night until it gets dark. There is the old Indian woman who walks slower than any human I've ever seen before but hey! at least she is out moving... and she does it all while wearing very colorful saris (which I love.) There is a dad with three kids that bike ride every night. And they all wear matching red helmets... precious! And there is my neighbor who sits in his driveway smoking pot all night with his friend... not as precious. But still, I love my evening walk and the people that share it with me.

So, although routine drives me crazy and causes me to wear my Richard Simmons shirt to work every once in awhile because I can no longer stand my 'work clothes'.... I have learned to make sure my life includes routines that make me happy because otherwise... what is the point?!

The end of an era

Well here it is. My final week of college... of living in Manhattan.. of having the identity of "student". I feel like I should have all these profound thoughts, words of advice, regrets, etc. But instead I'm so overwhelmed with emotions that I've almost become emotionless.

I think you eventually reach a point where it is ending and there is nothing you can do about. And whether you are looking forward to the future or not, it is coming full steam ahead so you might as well welcome it with open arms!

I've loved these last four years. Looking back on it now I can see all the things I've learned, things I didn't even know I was learning at the time. I can also see how God used certain people in my life and certain situations to shape me and teach me. When I think back on college I will remember all the good times, good friends, good food and things I've learned. Which I don't think I could ask for much more than that!

So friends, I'm not sure what is in store for me after this. But I'm thankful for the past four years. And the role that each of you has played in my life :) Can't wait to see what the next four years holds for us!!

Bon Appetit

So, I just finished watching Julie and Julia. A movie I have been wanting to see for a long time because I had a feeling I would love it; which I did.

However, now I am quite hungry and only in the mood for elaborate food such as duck or lobster, neither of which I have ever had and probably would not like.

But that movie made me feel like I should like sophisticated food. And that I can cook anything.

It’s the same way I felt after I watched Ratatouille.

If nothing else it reminds me that it is important to have passion for something in life that you love. Oh, and you can never have too much butter.

Veronika, der Lenz ist da

I opened up blogger without really having a plan as to what I was going to write about. So, I'll just write whatever comes to mind. This could be fun.

a) 7 weeks of school left... then I GRADUATE!! As much sadness is filled with leaving this place, I can honestly say that I am really excited. Stepping away from everything here for a week during spring break was good for me. For some reason, I think more clearly/my life makes more sense when I'm in Topeka. maybe that's just the magic of Topeka... or should I say, Google. ;)

b) Still have no clue what I'm doing after graduation but I'm not worried about it. I trust that the right opportunity will come along when it is supposed to. Which feels good.

c) Spring is technically here! I'm excited for warm days and playing soccer with Kristen. Also, I can't help but think of a german song by an old singing group called Comedian Harmonists that were very popular in Europe until the mid 1930's. After that things got rocky because several of the members were Jewish. However, their music lives on and the "group" is back (with new members obviously). So, here is the modern comedian harmonists singing the song that I find myself singing everyday because the main line is, "Veronika, der lenz ist da" which translates to, "Veronica, the spring is here". You will probably think it is weird (which it is) but that is why I love the Germans. Plus now you've expanded your cultural horizons for the day.

d) The Dawson family is going to see Earth Wind & Fire at starlight at the end of May. I can't wait!! oh, and we have an extra ticket. So feel free to bribe your way into getting to join in on the best evening of your life.

e) My lovely friend/fellow blogger, Sara, is getting married soon and it is going to be a glorious occasion!!

And finally,

f) I have found that I talk to myself. a lot. My roommate Katie has caught me on several occasions walking and talking to myself. It is kind of embarrassing but at the same time, I can't help it if I enjoy spending time with myself. Kelsie is always great to talk with. ;)