Monday, September 6, 2010

Let's get real

Friends. Its time for me to be honest… and real. So often I ignore my own feelings… like what I’m truly feeling deep down and just focus on others. Partly because I have the mentality that whatever I’m going through is unimportant and I don’t want people taking pity on me when its no big deal. I like to handle things on my own. But this weekend I came to the realization that I am not always capable of giving myself what I need. Now don’t get me wrong; I look to God daily for support but never realized that he might be trying to use others as a way to provide me support.

So here is the situation: This whole being unable to land a job… living at home.. in Topeka with literally TWO friends… while working a job that kills my soul thing is starting to take its toll on me. The other day I got a rejection email from a job I had interviewed for and I started crying in my cube at kdot… what. the. heck?! That is NOT me. I am not that girl that cries. publicly. But its all just start to bring me down. I feel isolated in Topeka. And I’m realizing that I’m missing my support team. Its okay to admit that you’re down and out and that you need a little lovin’ from your friends. What’s weird though is that its not sadness I’ve been feeling. Its anger. I am mad… daily. For no specific reason. I’m just contstantly carrying around this pissed off feeling and I HATE IT. Its not me. And I’m not used to it. But don’t get too worried for me, I do still have hope. And I do everything in my power not to let these feelings totally bring me down. I still genuinely smile lots, laugh lots and do not hate my life J

I have just come to learn that it is okay to ask for help sometimes. Or more specifically in this case, ask for support. So friends, that is where you come in. It pains me to ask things of you (even though I know you are all more than willing to support me) but if you could just keep me in your thoughts and prayers and send a little lovin’ my way then that would be much appreciated. It is good to be reminded that I have people out there that are here for me when I’m not feeling so hot and I promise to start being more honest with you all in return. I miss you all lots and can’t wait till I get to see you each of you again!

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Kelsie, I would like to apologize on behalf of the entire 'support team' for our shortcomings and failures. We will try to do better!

Good talk tonight. Good to hear that beautiful, long, repetitive Kelsie Dawson laugh once again. Hang in there, things will get better! Get excited for this weekend, see you soon!

Unknown said...

...I second everything Brian said.

The obvious remedy is that we should all drive to Colorado.

I know, I'm brilliant.

Sara said...

I really like you.

(And just emailed you)